Miles' Rating:

Starring: With this take-off on "Tales From the Crypt" -- which includes a host named the Clit Master-- Extreme tries to mix splatter horror and sex. The result is a strange, less than satisfying mix of rape, torment and fake gore. Thank God the sex is hot. If you can overlook some of the surrounding material, you'll find enough to keep you hard. Among the stories, Nick East and Mojo fuck a love doll to life (it becomes Gauge) which after some ripping good oral and anal, butchers the guys. In another, Kiki D'Aire and Kristi Myst are vampire slayers who get analed by their prey.

The writing isn't as clever as it believes it is, and the gore is as believable as in a lowest low-rent schlock film. But any film that features Felony being three holes plunged by Satan worshiping grease monkeys can't be all bad.

It pushes hard to be nasty.

The girls. Felony, Kiki and Kristi are game anal queens, and Candy Cotton does it while pretending to be raped by cannibals.

The cannibal scene, supposedly captured on a "lost" video a la "The Blair Witch Project" is the weakest story. The attack on Tony Michaels is another painfully faked murder that only reminds you how cheap these porn vids are.

Still, the sex is raw and edgy; that earns this a 7. The "horror" is simply goofy. You've been warned.

Posted By Miles, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/12/06 1:58 PM

Pork Belly's Rating:

Starring: Kristi Myst, Gauge, Candy Cotton, other dames and a bunch of trolls disguised as men. This film sucked! The gore wasn't off-putting, you know it's a horror porn video to start with, but it was poorly filmed and executed by amateurs. The two rape scenes weren't very appealing and the sex was almost as boring as it was insulting. The Clit Master who introduces each scene was pathetic and unamusing. Some bad jokes are too BAD to ever utter.

Cheap! The lighting was inconsistent, the directing uncontrolled and the writing and acting sucked. It was almost like watching ten year olds act out a horror film with ketcup and rubber weapons.

Blistering boring! Scene one: Has allegedly nasty, but ultimately dreary sex starring average looking Gauge and two in-breds. Scene two: Two dorks fuck the bartender's wife. Okay blowjobs, but ends stupidly with each jerking off after each other on the chicks face. Go mark your territory in the backyard, yahoos. I paid to see sex! Scene three: Too much time spent on positioning instead of erotic sex. Must've been practicing for the dick insertion Olympics. If you can't run through the whole "Kama Sutra" with erotic fluidity, then just try a page or two. Jerks! Scene four: Okay scene with hot Kristi Myst, but she needed to spend some more screen time fucking Kiki Daire. Scene five: Candy Cotton fucks her boyfriend, who is then hacked to death by cannibals, before she is raped by the aforementioned three cannibals. Afterwards, she's beheaded. (And they say there's no more romance left in porn. )

Do I have to like something about this movie?

The fact some pricks actually made money off of it!

This movie sucked! I give it a zero. This movie truly deserves a cat crapping on it.

Posted By Pork Belly, www.excaliburfilms.com | 10/12/06 1:58 PM